Looks like I'm the first this year!
Assassin's Creed: Valhalla
And what a way to start the year - this behemoth has been, on and off, something I've been playing for over a year. It is, obviously, way too long. It has terrible acting and an almost pathological aversion to proper regional accents (I went to the Isle of Skye and found all the locals speaking broad cockney). Huge chunks of the game are basically irrelevant to the main story, they'd be side quests in other games but here you have to play them all.
But I did enjoy it, quite a lot in the end in fact. It's often a very beautiful game, with the landscapes and lighting being among the best I've seen. The combat system improves enormously after you've unlocked a few upgrades (I grew to hate the fiddly, over-complicated skill tree, and it's another thing the game would have been better losing in its entirety). The recreation of England is very well done and some (not all) of the story arcs are pretty good. Finding loot and clearing icons off the map is as satisfying as ever.
I had to take a decision on when I'd "completed" it, though - there are so many overlapping arcs and stories and there's no single point at which it rolls the credits.
Stuff I've completed:
- The main "prophecy" arc - this is the story of Eivor and Sigurd, that takes you from Norway at the start of the game through every region in England then onward to the completion.
- The modern storyline - mostly background material during the game itself, this really comes to life right at the end with the first explicit link back to Desmond Miles we've seen in a while and what promises to be a new direction for the series.
- The Asgard storyline - which is mostly complete bollocks but then also plays into the ending in unexpected ways.
- The first DLC expansion (Wrath of the Druids)
Stuff I've still got to do:
- Complete the epilogue (another region which opens up after the conclusion of the main storyline)
- Kill all the members of the Order of the Ancients - which apparently gives you another dollop of plot
- Complete all the Animus Anomalies - again more plot
- The second expansion (Siege of Paris)
- Mastery Challenges and River Raids, both big chunks of content added since release.
- Whatever is released for this game this year - there's a big Ragnarok expansion coming in April, plus more further down the line.
So I think I can take a break for a bit. Especially as that lot (forthcoming DLC excluded) is probably around another 50 hours of play. I think if they'd chopped around half the regions in this, and removed that cursed skill tree, it would have ended up as a really solid 40-50 hour game. As it is, it's a bloated, overstuffed thing that has 90% of its actual plot right at the start and right at the end, which means you feel quite good about it when you've actually completed it but spend most of your time prior to that wondering quite why you're playing it.
When's the next one coming out?
Does it count if you finished it in January 2022 but started in the 19th century?
Honestly it doesn't sound even nearly finished to me.
Are you trying to kill me off, Bri?
(In all seriousness, I've definitely "completed" this. The Prophecy arc bookended by the modern storyline is the main plot of the game. All the other bits and pieces are side activities. But I will be returning to this… I just need to play something else for a bit first).
Lake
A storygame that doesn't manage to have a good enough story, good enough writing or good enough voice acting. Five hours long and with very simple gameplay.
Just not good enough.
How does it compare to Origins or Odyssey? I really enjoyed big parts of both of them, but am wary about a) being forced through a load of substandard side quests instead of flitting about and doing what I feel like and b) getting further away from stealth and assassination into a fairly standard 3rd person scrapper. Odyssey went about as far as I wanted it to in this regard, so I'll not bother if it goes further.
How does it compare to Origins or Odyssey? I really enjoyed big parts of both of them, but am wary about a) being forced through a load of substandard side quests instead of flitting about and doing what I feel like and b) getting further away from stealth and assassination into a fairly standard 3rd person scrapper. Odyssey went about as far as I wanted it to in this regard, so I'll not bother if it goes further.
These are the exact two biggest problems with Valhalla, so it probably isn't for you.
It doesn't really do side quests at all any more, at least not in the same way Odyssey does. Pretty much everything is in the main quest. It takes you through a succession of "regions", each of which has its own self-contained storyline and takes maybe three to four hours to complete. The advantage of this is that it makes the game pleasingly episodic, you can pick it up and play a couple of regions then put it to one side for a while. The disadvantage is that half the time you're not even sure why you're going through these regions at all, and if you get stuck with a dull one (Gloucestershire I'm looking at you) it can seem interminable.
Map icons now are either treasure, artifacts to loot or "World Events" which aren't really side quests but self-contained vignettes. You'll meet someone maybe who gives you a small task to complete but the answer will always be in the immediate vicinity. Often these are sub-Monty Python "skits" which are excruciatingly bad and not funny at all. (The exception being a quite extraordinary episode where you meet Keith from The Prodigy… but that's another story).
With regard to your second point, combat is very very bad initially, enemies detect you from miles away and all rush your position so it's absolutely just a mediocre third-person brawler. As you play through the game you do unlock abilities which make stealth much more viable and the game improves immeasurably as a result, but it takes ages to get to that point.
Valhalla does fix quite a few things from previous games - loot, for instance, is now rare and worthwhile, so you don't have the problem you had in Odyssey where you were constantly carrying around 300 different pieces of worthless armour. But overall I'd say it sounds like it isn't what you are looking for in an Assassin's Creed.
But overall I'd say it sounds like it isn't what you are looking for in an Assassin's Creed
Yep, I think you're right, thanks. Although…
a quite extraordinary episode where you meet Keith from The Prodigy…
opens wallet
JANUARY
Inmost - Fine for the most part, but also confusing and bleak as hell. Not going back to get the collectibles I missed, since doing so adds nothing to the experience.
Time for the annual 'start doing this, forget by March'.
The Gunk
Lovely little game that knows what it's good at, and ends before it outstays its welcome.
Now we just need Gar to play it and act as the tiebreaker. I hated it, so that makes it a score draw currently. 
It's made by Image & Form so I'm already predisposed to like it. It's on the list, along with Gorogoa and The Pedestrian, both of which got added today and look interesting.
I think I preferred 2021 Mart, who enthused about weird little pixel-art indie games no-one had ever heard of, to 2022 Mart, who plays your favourite games for an hour and decides they're shit before uninstalling them in a rage.
I think I preferred 2021 Mart, who enthused about weird little pixel-art indie games no-one had ever heard of, to 2022 Mart, who plays your favourite games for an hour and decides they're shit before uninstalling them in a rage.
If it helps, I'm doing that with weird little pixel-art indie games you've never heard of too.
The Pedestrian got added today? Fantastic, I've wanted to play that for ages. Gorogoa is lovely.
Gorogoa is a great game, played it on mobile a long time ago. Such a good idea, perfectly executed.
The Pedestrian has a very lovely Witness vibe to it. Expect to see it on the completed list here soon.
(In packing away my PS4 today though, I realised both The Witness and Rez Infinite aren't on Xbox… damn it)
The Witness is on Xbox (although not on Game Pass).
No such luck with Rez Infinite, sadly. Rez HD is on Xbox 360 but isn't backward compatible on the newer machines.
Update: No, I won't, it's still €40. Maybe next time it's in a sale then. Anyway…
JANUARY
Inmost
The Pedestrian - Really nice, stress-free puzzler with enough quirks and twists to make you think. Final section was a bit out of the box and the ending just seemed to happen, but yeah… decent enough for the time spent.
Gorogoa - well that was an entertaining couple of hours. One of those puzzle games you can't really explain to anyone, I'm not really sure how it worked but you get into the groove in the end. Absolutely no idea what the story was but I had fun anyway.
I already finished it on PC but if it's free, I'll bash it out again for achievement funsies.
Gorogoa - well that was an entertaining couple of hours. One of those puzzle games you can't really explain to anyone, I'm not really sure how it worked but you get into the groove in the end. Absolutely no idea what the story was but I had fun anyway.
Just finished this. Really enjoyed it. I think I fumbled my way through most of it, rather than figuring anything out, but it was fun all the same.
Shit, good point, I finished it yesterday on my day off.
JANUARY
Inmost
The Pedestrian
Gorogoa - Still lovely. Can't be bothered with the achievements I missed though.
Borderlands 3
Again. The PS5 version transfers the save, but not the trophies, so after an abortive attempt at starting a new character/co-op game I just replayed the campaign again on TVHM, thinking that way I could get to the DLC and finally play it through.
Unfortunately, I’d underestimated how long it would take to finish levelling Zane (partially because TVHM actually scales), and overestimated how much Borderlands I’d want to play. As such, that took months, with me losing most of my interest by the end, especially once the numbers stopped ticking up, and I still haven’t played the DLC. Maybe one day.
I've been meaning to start this, having bought the Xbone version for a tenner to get the Series X upgrade free. Never even touched it. Ho hum.
The kid and I finished Luigi's Mansion 3 in co-op over the weekend. It's good, but some of the bosses were extremely annoying (a situation not helped by a six year old running Gooigi around like a headless chicken) and the mechanics – especially around their torch defences – were frustratingly inconsistently implemented. I still don't know what we were supposed to do with the Tomb Suite boss, we just won by attrition.
The exploration and puzzles were great, though. I don't think it quite had the charm of the original – a side effect of a Western(?) development team, maybe? – but I enjoyed a lot more of it than I didn't.
Defeating the last two bosses in co-op, for me, were incredibly challenging. I have no idea how you'd even do them in single-player.
The second-last one would absolutely break me solo, especially the final stages when the lower level starts flooding. King Boo was tough even with "help", but it was mostly just about pattern matching rather than being mechanically complex.
Slay The Spire - I got to the top and the credits are rolling anyway. I guess there's a lot more to do but I'm not sure I want any more though, it was fine.
The Gunk
Mass Effect 1
I remember being a little sniffy about Mass Effect 2 when it first came out. It dropped a lot of the RPG stuff from the first game, cut the world up into Gears of War-style levels, and generally felt less ambitious. But playing them back-to-back, it's pretty clear I was talking bollocks.
Mass Effect 1 is still a good game, but it's got some serious jank attached. 2's combat is actually fun, the conversations flow better, and the human squad members aren't personality vacuums. Plus, Mordin.
That was more about 2 than 1. Ah well.
I played the first 15 minutes of the new version of Mass Effect 1 and the characters are boggle-eyed mannequins. I thought they'd have improved that for the Legendary Edition but no. In fact having early-360 graphics running at 120fps somehow made the whole thing look worse. I don't think I'll be able to take it seriously enough to play it through.
One thing I noticed is that for some reason it's got Auto HDR on Series X, which overrides the game's actual HDR, so you'll get a better result if you turn the auto stuff off. Not seen any game do that before.
Just me left on the 'ME1 was better' hill now. 
No I'm there too! It's still shit, but it's the best of the bunch.
I think all my favourite things are a bit shit.
Me: spends 14 years in every discussion about ME1 on the Soc saying it's the best one
Alastor: Only me left who likes ME1 then
Mass Effect 2 sanded off some pretty rough mechanical edges (Jesus spacefaring Christ the equipment modding system in ME1 is atrocious), and arguably improved the party roster (Mordin, Thane, Legion, Kasumi), but the original is still the one I'd replay over the others.
It's got the Mako, random planets to drop onto and actually explore rather than a tedious orbital bombardment minigame, the best story, an actual villain/antagonist, and interesting sidequests.
Me: spends 14 years in every discussion about ME1 on the Soc saying it's the best one
Alastor: Only me left who likes ME1 then
I forgot the rule of thumb that if you type 'Am I the only one who..' that you are not the only one who. :<
But yeah, fuck ME2 tbh. Really looking forward to playing it again, it's okay I just think it missed what made ME1 special for me.
JANUARY
Inmost
The Pedestrian
Gorogoa
Botanicula - Nice little point and click adventure by the Machinarium team. A bit fiddly, I got it on mobile for a couple of quid, but fun nonetheless.
The Gunk
Mass Effect 1
Sonic Racing Transformed. Completed in the sense that I’ve played most of the single player, but I’ll carry on with the multiplayer for a long while.
This is brilliant. A proper Mario Kart on my Xbox. And what’s even more brilliant is I could pick up a 360 game for 2 quid, and it just worked. Even the online is flawless, and it’s now a mainstay of our multiplayer sessions.
Aside from a dodgy resolution (it looks sub-720p), it’s incredibly impressive. Microsoft have knocked it out of the park with backwards comparability this gen.
Wow. I tried playing it with the lad earlier today in split-screen and we were both left reeling by how hard it was. It took us something like four attempts for one of us to scrape third place in the very first race. Felt like progress (overtaking people) was very hard won, then one random rocket at any point would just set you way back. What were we doing wrong?
I seem to remember that you’ve got to keep the speed boosts flowing by doing tricks and drifts.
Yeah I basically hold down drift the entire time. You can’t spin out from holding a drift too long, and after a while you get a level 3 boost which will fling you to the head of the pack.
Wow. I tried playing it with the lad earlier today in split-screen and we were both left reeling by how hard it was. It took us something like four attempts for one of us to scrape third place in the very first race. Felt like progress (overtaking people) was very hard won, then one random rocket at any point would just set you way back. What were we doing wrong?
Were you using tricks on the right stick? Every time you're airborne you need to trick to get a ground boost, and preferably air trick multiple times.
Every corner and even some straights you need to gain boost from drifting and as in MK8 you get more boost from more prolonged drifts.
Hold any defensive item, such as the glove, the timing of it is critical and can win you the race. Also, as in MK8, well timed rear firing of weapons can counter stuff that'll take you out.
Hit every boost gate, even if it doesn't seem like it's the optimal line. Look for shortcuts, most of the tracks have them.
Pick a decent character for the course - speed generally outweighs handling, however.
Don't always try to take out the character right in front of you, save offensive items to cause maximum mayhem (ie just at a transition point to another vehicle, or on a tight corner with a bunched pack).
My kids are fucking monsters at the game and I can rarely touch them at it. It is probably the best kart racer ever made and absolutely a skill check like nothing else.
Amazing. We didn’t even find the drift button. Thanks for the tips, guys, we will be back on this tomorrow I think.
Wait until you get to the challenge levels where it's just you, a bunch of checkpoints and a super-tight timer. Those are fucking brutal.
To add to the ‘always be drifting’ advice, I’ve just realised today that, unlike Mario Mart, you don’t commit yourself to one direction with a drift.
If you go into a snakey left, right, left for example, as long as you release and then depress the L trigger fast enough, you maintain any boost you’ve built up when changing directions.
Mario Mart
Dammit MPH, stop leaking the surprise gimmick for MK9.
Spiny blue shells do double damage.
Crackdown 3
Gorogoa
Slay the Spire
Donut County - Silly fun. Enjoyed it. I want to play some Katamari now.
