Switch Buying Guide

I loaded up Mario Maker 2 the other day thinking I'd try to find some interesting (ie not Hyper Death Factory) levels. But my Nintendo Online has lapsed.

I thought the Soc was one big incestuous family account under Gar's control.

I have a couple of you in my extended family. There's still a slot or two left if anyone needs it.

Dad?

No NSO until you've eaten all your broccoli, Bri.

Pass the Siracha.

Today's Nintendo Direct confirms, as if there were any doubt, that we are now in the final throes of the Switch era. Re-release after re-release, presumably knocked out on the cheap while the big boys work on super-secret Switch 2 games. Very reminiscent of the last year or so of the 3DS.

So we've got:
Mario vs Donkey Kong re-release
Tomb Raider 1-3 re-release
Another Code re-release
Paper Mario TTYD re-release
Luigi's Mansion 2 re-release

I guess there's a new Princess Peach dress-up game if you're really desperate for something new. And there's a 99-player battle royale version of SNES F-Zero.

Stay tuned for our next exciting Nintendo Direct where we announce Switch 2 and sell you all the same games over again at 60fps! Please understand.

I'm genuinely shocked you a) didn't mention Unicorn Overlord and b) aren't drooling over Unicorn Overlord, Gar. That shit is so far up your street, it's turned the corner, gone into the off license and bought a four pack of Carling.

OK, yes, fair point, that does look very good.

They're remaking The Thousand Year Door? That's interesting.

It's the legendary Paper Mario game, but I think that is partly driven by how unobtainable it is. It's generally well over £100 on ebay. Games that reach this price threshold tend to take on legendary status. In reality, I suspect it's not as good as the Paper Mario game already on Switch. I don't have a huge amount of experience of either game, but what I've played of TTYD is good, but not all that great. It's quite funny, but a bit hit and miss. It's kind of slow.

What the hell is Unicorn Overlord?

"It's quite funny, but a bit hit and miss. It's kind of slow." This is basically every Mario RPG in my experience. I always enjoy them, I never finish them.

Except maybe Superstar Saga on the GBA which really was quite special.

What the hell is Unicorn Overlord?

Fire Emblem made by Vanillaware. Best to just watch the trailer

What the hell is Unicorn Overlord?

It's definitely in the running for the worst game name of the year.

I keep wanting to call it Unicorn Overload, and I think that would probably have been a better title.

What the hell is Unicorn Overlord?

It's definitely in the running for the worst game name of the year.

https://www.nintendo.co.uk/Games/Nintendo-Switch-download-software/Prison-Life-Simulator-Jail-Gangster-Escape-Games-Scary-2428456.html

Sorry, what

cdkeys has Star Wars Pinball on Switch for cheapz (6 quid). Also supports TATE out of the box without weirdly needing to get a code from ZEN (and looks great, especially in OLEDovision). It plays havoc with my eyes, but some of the tables seem really good.

Wonder is out today… no-one (bar Gar) asking for codes?

Super Mario Wonder is just wonderful.

Imagine it being the final year of your ancient, underpowered console and you knock out Super Mario Wonder, Tears of the Kingdom, Pikmin 4 and a pitch-perfect remaster of Metroid Prime. Obscene.

Super Mario Wonder is just wonderful.

Imagine it being the final year of your ancient, underpowered console and you knock out Super Mario Wonder, Tears of the Kingdom, Pikmin 4 and a pitch-perfect remaster of Metroid Prime. Obscene.

I said to Gar, I'm currently dithering over whether Wonder or Pikmin 4 is my GotY. Hmm.

Wonder is out today… no-one (bar Gar) asking for codes?

Going physical, my kid loves holding the carts, organising her collection etc! Tried to get it from Asda today but was sold out, so will grab tomorrow.

The torrent of good reviews have convinced me to maybe give this a try. They say the movement isn't as soggy as NSMB

It doesn't feel wildly different to me. Maybe slightly snappier but it's still a Mario platformer and controls as you'd expect.

It's fine. You know what you're getting. It's NSMBU with better animations and a new set of gimmicks. Get Mario Maker instead.

I've been told I'd be better buying Rayman Legends. Which I have been meaning to do for about five years…

It doesn't feel wildly different to me. Maybe slightly snappier but it's still a Mario platformer and controls as you'd expect.

It's fine. You know what you're getting. It's NSMBU with better animations and a new set of gimmicks. Get Mario Maker instead.

I'd disagree with this. The movement is SO much better than the 2.5D NSMB games, they're not even in the same league.

Wonder is a joyful, inventive, secret-filled gem of a game.

I also disagree. By comparison, NSMBU is a slippery mess where you're always fighting for control and having to preempt momentum. Wonder is tight. Stop on a dime tight.

Also, NSMBU's gimmick was an acorn. That's it. Wonder is loaded with things. It's Galaxy in that an idea is dreamt up, used and then in most instances, moved on from (some repeats, but not many).

I dunno. 40 quid to Jeff Bezos or not. I think Gar's tepid summary of it is a bit of a concern. I do trust MPH though.

I played Rayman Legends the other day. Still looks beautiful, couldn't get on with the feel of it.

Mart, did you manage to complete the Special world? I've just done the first level (the wall jumping one) and fuck me it nearly killed me. Sweaty palms, 50 lives lost and arthritis in my thumb.

I always knew you were special MPH.

I've decided not to buy it, I've been here too many times with Nintendo games. The OLED Switch will have to remain an attractive paperweight.

Mart, did you manage to complete the Special world? I've just done the first level (the wall jumping one) and fuck me it nearly killed me. Sweaty palms, 50 lives lost and arthritis in my thumb.

Yeah, I did (including the final and final-final levels). Do you mean the vertical wall jumping one or the musical one? If it's the former… well. Have fun.

The musical one. By the sounds of it I won't have enough patience for the other!

What was I thinking?! Not buying games I won't play?

Who the fuck was that guy posting earlier.

It's moderately charming.

The musical one.

Because I was playing before release, the rule is that I can't let anyone see what I'm doing. I was in the same room as my partner at the time, so had the Lite turned away from her and the volume turned off. So, that was fun to try and complete.

Also, MPH: that's not the first one, since it's accessed through the second world. You've already missed one…

Oooh excellent.

What was I thinking?! Not buying games I won't play?

You've gone peak Mart. Although even he usually lasts longer than an hour after saying he won't buy something.

Someone should get Mart some headphones for Giftmas.

Oooh excellent.

What was I thinking?! Not buying games I won't play?

You've gone peak Mart. Although even he usually lasts longer than an hour after saying he won't buy something.

It's the only time I ever last longer than etc wahey and so on.

It was 41 quid on amazon, and I decided I wouldn't give Bezos any more money, but I found it in a local shop for the same price, so on a whim i got it. Felt good. A real return to old skool martanomics.

We just won two fairly large government grants, so effectively you all bought it for me via your taxes, so thank you. And before mart gets too excited, one of those grants is cross-border and also includes money from Switzerland and Germany.

I don't think it's different enough for me from normal Mario. The controls are a bit tighter, and it looks lovely (the little animation touches are brilliantly done) and the music is great. But it still has that slight feeling of disconnect from the character you're controlling to the things you want it to do - inertia, lag or whatever - which means it makes me feel inept when I'm playing it. It makes me feel like a 47 year old stroke victim.

I'll keep going, but I fear as the level difficulty goes up I'll yeet it through a window.

Weirdly, I gave Starfield one last, last, last try the other night and it sort of got me slightly invested, so maybe I'm just looking for a broken, badly designed game in my life right now.

I'll keep going, but I fear as the level difficulty goes up I'll yeet it through a window.

The difficulty level only really goes up if you want it to. Yes, there are courses which are harder than others but, in order to get enough Wonder Seeds to complete the story, you can stick to the lower end of the challenge. That's why you can pick the courses you do in the open areas. If you want to 100% it, that's different.

I haven't finished a game since 1993 so this is all probably arbitrary.

Wonder is loaded with things. It's Galaxy in that an idea is dreamt up, used and then in most instances, moved on from (some repeats, but not many).

This is probably why I'm not quite clicking with it yet. This kind of approach of "chuck every idea we've got into the game and see what sticks" isn't really my thing. I much prefer games that take a couple of really good ideas and iterate on them, really see what they can get out of them. With Wonder, I'm finding every level is either "that was really good, I wish there was more of that" or "what bullshit is this now". Nothing in between.

Anyway, it is clearly a very good game, I'm not trying to tell anyone that it isn't. But for me it is just another 2D Mario platformer, not any kind of huge departure from the formula or anything.

On a separate note: does Mario feel a little off in this to anyone else? I know they've lost Martinet as the voice so that's probably a big part of it but I really wish Mario would stop going "Wowie Zowie!" like he's fucking Captain Caveman or something. And every time he talks about needing to get the Royal Seed it makes me feel all icky.

I really wish Mario would stop going "Wowie Zowie!" like he's fucking Captain Caveman or something.

Stop collecting the Elephant Fruit and turning into Elephant Mario then. That's literally the only instance where he (or any character) says it.

I sometimes feel Gar and my gaming menstruation cycles are finally aligning.

I've played a couple of hours of it now, and I echo Gar to an extent. It does have a design philosophy of "vomit rainbows at a wall and see what splashes", and I do think it's interesting because clearly the core idea that things change is something that really appeals to some people, whereas I think as I've got older as Gar says, I like a core small set of gaming ideologies fully explored.

This is taken to the nth degree by Diablo IV, which literally only does two things well and expects you to do them for 80 hours. Or what I find appealing in competitive multiplayer games like Apex or Valorant, where the changes are incremental in each Season and left for 3 months to bed in.

That said, I have found I've enjoyed Mario a bit more if I just play a level once (and casually without trying to collect much) to let it get all the crazy shouting and rainbow splashing out of the way, then go back and replay a few times. There I do see the appeal. And it certainly looks and sounds the part.

So yeah, it's fine so far. I just need to learn how to play it. 7/10

I will say that I am enjoying this significantly more as I get further into it. The levels get a lot more involved and you start to see some really creative ideas. I'm hardly ever managing to get all the collectibles on my first run through, and I can see some levels on the map where I thought I'd got everything that are still not marked as "done", so I'm assuming there are still secrets there to be uncovered.

The badges - which I initially thought were just going to be a kind of assisted mode for little kids - are actually pretty fundamental to the whole thing and lend almost a kind of RPG-ish air to the game, where you can go back to earlier levels with new abilities to uncover things you couldn't find first time around.

However I'm not a fan of the guy in world 3 who keeps popping up and shouting "POOF!" at Mario before disappearing again. Just because he's got a moustache and wears dungarees doesn't mean you can assume these things.

I grabbed Rayman Legends the other day, It's really good! And it looks like it includes Rayman Origins too.

Finally played this now, only in co-op with the little one but really enjoying it. Issue I have is been using the GameCube style controllers and so the button layout is poor on there for running and jumping.

It's cool that my kid will just change to Yoshi if she is worried or struggling.

Is the Mart shop open for Mario vs Donkey Kong?

Bearing in mind what ‘mart’ means I think we need a better name/pun for when we get everyone’s favourite economics professor to do our shopping for us.

MartMart?